I was recently interviewed on the spiritual nature of being third gender. As a part of that summit, I was invited to write a letter as myself today to the self I was during the time of intense struggle over this issue. Before submitting the letter, I sent it to a few friends who are struggling with this. One disclosed that he was planning suicide, but that the contents of the letter was exactly what he needed. I therefore present the letter to you, in the hopes that it is helpful to you or someone you love. Here is the letter:
You’re really struggling with that person you see in the mirror and realizing that most people actually see themselves as they are in their heads. You’re struggling with your marriage and the confusion of being with a man and that being right for your physical body and wrong for the rest of you. You’re afraid the church will target your family and you’ll lose them if you speak, and you’re convinced God hates you. Let’s talk.
God doesn’t hate you. You are a manifestation of an energy flow He created. Everything in the physical world arises from three energies- the feminine, masculine and a third energy that is both and neither gender. The third is vital because it holds the other two together. You transcend genders most people experience; you might not see it now but you are going to do so much good for the world because you are able to see both sides. You think that’s common and nothing special, but it’s unusual and our society needs more people who have transcended the barriers we have around gender. Rebekah, as someone in your future, listen when I tell you that we need you exactly as you are. Your biggest pain over this is that perhaps God is displeased with you, but you have experienced abundant blessings because of your faith and devotion, and you will continue to be blessed because He loves you exactly as you are. He made you this way for a purpose. Give your family and the church the opportunity to get it, and allow them to make their own decisions. Do not carry the prisons others choose for themselves.
I know your marriage is hard and that you feel very alone, like no one can connect to you and that those around you are constantly invalidating you. Speak and give them a chance to change. After your exposure to the LGBT+ scene, you feel even lonelier because you’re very traditional. This does not make you a freak. Rebekah, start talking about all this. The people around you are good people who love you, but they don’t get it. They want you to be happy; they’re more willing to listen and make adjustments than you realize. There are people like you out there feeling the same way you do. Be the person that steps up to talk about these things so they can feel safe in rising from the shadows.
God already accepts and wants you as you are. You’ve never been any different, and has this ever stopped him from blessing you? You don’t know it yet, but the physical neglect, self-attack and depression swings you fall into are often because of this one issue. You’re punishing yourself for an imperfection that doesn’t exist. The sooner you resolve this, the more good He can do through you. Do you remember, a good decade or so ago before you came out to the church, when you felt powerful and strong? You can do that again. Your husband will love you anyway if you wear the more masculine clothing you wore before; don’t worry about the rest of the world. Go back to sword fighting. Buy the manly weights instead of the pink ones people hand you at the sporting goods store if that’s what it takes to get you to work with your body again. You’re hilarious when you #masculinitysofragile yourself, not disrespectful. You are powerful when you’re authentically you. Being you won’t kill your marriage or any of your commitments, because you are someone who keeps your word and fulfills the bonds you’ve made. This takes work, day to day revision and mindfulness, but you’ve got this because with God you can do anything, and He’s not going anywhere. You might be Rebekah Elizabeth, but you’re also Laughing Crow, and that is really beautiful. We’re anxious to love you for who you are here in the future.
We’re waiting for you, and you’re going to be surprised at how much better it gets.
If you would like to hear the interview associated with this letter, the recording can be found here: http://rebekahgambleholisticpractitioner.com/in-the-news-and-press
If you would like to order the book in which this letter appears (among several others), you may order it here: https://wholefulliving.leadpages.co/inviting-shift-book-pre-purchase